


God Bless America’s (Gr)Ass

by HopelessRomantic01



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Thanks, Y’all know who freerangegrass is, also this is my first post, for those of you who dont, go easy on me lmao, im sorry, in buzzfeed unsolved, might post more, open suggestions and stuff, so like, those of you who’ve seen the latest season of postmortem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-03-17 13:17:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18966010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HopelessRomantic01/pseuds/HopelessRomantic01
Summary: Thanos made an oopsie and FreeRangeGrass is coming to kick his (gr)ass haha see what I did there





	God Bless America’s (Gr)Ass

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y’all so this is my first post thanks for coming to my TEDtalk uh enjoy have any suggestions or requests let me know I honestly don’t know how this site works so yknow I’ll figure it out anyway it’s kinda short lmao sorry

Thanos’ feet fall heavily on the ground, blades of grass crushed under his careless weight. Every Buzzfeed Unsolved fan gathered in the anxious crowd surrounding him shivers as they sense the oncoming storm.

One ballsy young child smirks and calls: “Oh, you've done it now!” 

The monomaniacal Titan turns, seeking the source of insolence so he may destroy them. “Care to elaborate?” Before his threat could fully sink in, however, a rumbling starts in the distance. 

Chanting, ominous and rousing, begins among the gathered teenagers. “free range grass. free range grass”.

The tremors become louder, and a figure over the hill appears. Their face is hidden in shadow, but everyone gathered knows who the hero is. The chanting grows louder, as the figure rushes towards them with inhuman speed. “Free range grass! Free ranGE GRASS! 

Thanos stares in awe at the group of drunk toddlers, pointing and chanting at the racing person. This... *free range grass* sprints towards thanos, their eyes gleaming with anger.

Before Thanos can close his fist to obliterate this challenger, he finds himself cut to pieces, strewn about the green grasses. He didn’t have time to blink. The figure stands tall, and all voices are silent. A bloody machete hangs in their loose grip. They turn to the crowd, their face hidden in shadow. 

When they speak, some cry. Some laugh, and some are so awestruck they fall to their knees. "The grass remembers. Remembers when there was no war. Remembers when nature took her course without the meddling of sentient beings. The grass remembers a time when ALL grass was present. No blade turned to dust. Free Range Grass will protect them." The hero turns to the leftovers of the mighty Titan.

Without looking back at the people anxiously waiting the final, famous words of this entity, they don the infamous Infinity Gauntlet, ready their fingers and say: "God Bless America."

Everyone expects the hero to die; to wither away into nothing. But Free Range Grass does not die. They are inevitable. They live on: in the memories of every Buzzfeed Unsolved fan and any unlucky person who is friends with one. 

Free Range Grass relaxes in a field, surrounded by what they love most. They watch, as the sun sets on a grateful universe.

God bless America.


End file.
